I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
