I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
