It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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