What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
