If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
