I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
