At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
