toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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