Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
