maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
