I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
