she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
sex in a hospital.. check
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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