i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
nutella sex= disaster
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
