I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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