Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
