So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
