coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
