Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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