whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
