True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
