and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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