Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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