I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
