My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
where are my eyebrows?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
