Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
