We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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