I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
