You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
