Will you blow on my dice?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
