Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
