just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
