who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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