How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
