oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
