I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
