ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
