Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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