Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
