Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
