whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
