i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
