Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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