Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
