the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
