yo everyone went to the hospital last night
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
