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Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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