Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Couch. On fire.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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