Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
