thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
