So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
