As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
