he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
