Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
